Gollum

'Bilbo Baggins stared irritably at the thick silver bands before him, thinking them more like shackles without chains than the symbols of love and maturity they were supposed to be. He did not want to be bonded, did not want a husband or wife, and did not want the responsibility that came with these damn things.' Completely ignores the storyline, you've been warned.

Bilba has grown up the unwanted granddaughter of the Thain of the Kingdom of Shire but, as she rarely visits the palace, the relationship holds little meaning to her. Instead she focuses on her second year of college, her ballet career and her slowly burgeoning romance with Bofur, a crew member with her ballet company. The same day Bilba is set to preform on stage for the first time with her company, the kingdom of Shire is anticipating another event. That very evening will oversee the political, arranged marriage between Thorin Durin, Crown Prince of Erebor, and an unnamed Princess of Shire (so unnamed because Bilba's grandfather is a paranoid bastard). Bilba doesn't care about any of this, she hasn't been invited and has no interest in other countries, politics or other such machinations. Just before she's set to preform, however, Bilba suddenly finds herself dragged from the theater and taken to appear before her grandfather at the palace. There she is informed she WILL be participating in the wedding after all. As the bride. Whether she likes it or not.

Bilba Baggins, popular model for a premier lingerie company, isn't always entirely convinced that the perks of the job are worth the hassle. Can't she even go to the shops without being recognized? But Thorin Oakenshield doesn't seem to recognize her at all, even with her nearly-naked breasts forever plastered across half of London. That's... a very refreshing change.

In a Middle-Earth where Erebor never fell, a shadow remains in the heart of the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo Baggins finds himself drawn reluctantly into a quest that will lead him across the continent--from Bree to Lake Evendim to the icy North and beyond--with a party of five dwarves searching for an artifact that will cure the ailing King Thrór.

The Quest of Erebor as it might have been.Billa Baggins is not your average burglar- or, perhaps, a burglar at all. That remains to be seen. Thorin resents this little female's habit of gaining a foothold wherever she lands. Even in his heart.A retelling/reinvention of A Hobbit's Tale, beginning with Thorin's arrival at Bag End. Through the Reclaiming of Erebor, and beyond! WARNING: Ridiculous length, extreme drama, and non-canon moments galore. Written and edited by the Ladies Juno and Loki.

'You have surely heard the tales, of course, of how when a young hobbit has a son or daughter, a niece or nephew, or anysuch child under their care that they do not want that they simply call to the elvenking, ‘I wish you would come and take this child away.’ Such superstitions have been passed down as long as anyone can remember. But it is not something to be taken lightly, lest our children truly be stolen away. For, as we all know, words have more power than we could ever imagine.' aka A Labyrinth!AU where Thranduil steals Frodo away, and Bilbo, with the help of some odd dwarves and goblins whom he has an odd connection to, have two weeks to steal him back.(i just think thranduil fits jareth's aesthetic ok???)You do not have to have seen Labyrinth to read it, but you should watch it anyway bc its awesome.WIP- on hiatus/possibly discontinued