please get this man some therapy

“I just wish…” “What do you wish?” “I wish I could have changed it all.” For years Bilbo has written about his adventures and told stories about his dealings with dwarves and dragons. To most it seemed like fanciful nonsense but to Bilbo it was all very real. A weight followed him home from his travels, one called regret. Now in his final moments Bilbo has a choice to make – go quietly into death’s embrace or go back again and face all the fear and pain for the chance to make things right? Of course, change is a fickle thing and not everything can be done again as Bilbo is about to find out. In the end, it may not only be salvation that he’s fighting for.

Bilbo Baggins led a rather peaceful life, thank you very much, until an old acquaintance decided to turn it upside down, and he found himself agreeing to take a job that’s… let’s say not exactly up his alley, and might eventually cost him a little more than his treasured cozy lifestyle. Who would have thought tutoring a slightly menacing monarch’s more than slightly overbearing nephew could prove to be such an adventure?

A retelling of The Hobbit, from the point of view of Ms. Bilbo Baggins, who travels with her loving dwarves to reclaim the Lonely Mountain and has many an erotic mishap along the way.

To reclaim their kingdom, the Company of Thorin Oakenshield will need all the help they can get.

Bilba has grown up the unwanted granddaughter of the Thain of the Kingdom of Shire but, as she rarely visits the palace, the relationship holds little meaning to her. Instead she focuses on her second year of college, her ballet career and her slowly burgeoning romance with Bofur, a crew member with her ballet company. The same day Bilba is set to preform on stage for the first time with her company, the kingdom of Shire is anticipating another event. That very evening will oversee the political, arranged marriage between Thorin Durin, Crown Prince of Erebor, and an unnamed Princess of Shire (so unnamed because Bilba's grandfather is a paranoid bastard). Bilba doesn't care about any of this, she hasn't been invited and has no interest in other countries, politics or other such machinations. Just before she's set to preform, however, Bilba suddenly finds herself dragged from the theater and taken to appear before her grandfather at the palace. There she is informed she WILL be participating in the wedding after all. As the bride. Whether she likes it or not.

Bilba Baggins, popular model for a premier lingerie company, isn't always entirely convinced that the perks of the job are worth the hassle. Can't she even go to the shops without being recognized? But Thorin Oakenshield doesn't seem to recognize her at all, even with her nearly-naked breasts forever plastered across half of London. That's... a very refreshing change.

Bilbo Baggins had walked this earth a total of eight times in his past. He did remember them all, in some form or another, though he could rarely recall their names or faces, or very much detail about their lives at all. He always remembered their deaths, though. And he always remembered how it was someone – a well-meaning wizard, for instance – that had shown up and enticed or blackmailed him away from his home and family to go off and die for the good of the world. Much like what was happening now. Or: How the dragon soul of Bilbo Baggins made a deal with Manwë and can't seem to escape the consequences, and Thorin Oakenshield looks far too much like one of Bilbo's dead husbands.

Ten years later, and Harry wakes up in deep in the Mirkwood as the Elves begin their starlight festival. But because it's Harry, nothing about it is going to be easy, especially since the King doesn't seem to want to send him home.

Bilba Baggins couldn't be happier. She's embraced her Baggins' half and has placated her Took half with a short trip to Bree (the most adventure she ever wishes to have). In addition, she is convinced Fram Harfoot, the most eligible bachelor in all of Hobbiton, will soon declare his eternal love for her - particularly after he sees the dinner she's prepared for him. When the knock sounds on her door she just knows it heralds the first day of the rest of her life as a respectable, and entirely proper, Hobbit. Instead of her Happily Ever After, however, Bilba gets a company of Dwarves - complete with their obnoxious leader who MIGHT be vaguely attractive if he ever stopped ruining it by opening his mouth. Clearly the only possible explanation is somewhere, in a past life, she must have done something truly AWFUL to deserve this.

Lyla Baggins, a respectable hobbit, with a Tookish streak, agrees to follow a group of dwarves far to the East, over ranges and rivers, to reclaim their homeland. Her mission is simple: defeat a dragon and convince the leader of the company, Thorin Oakenshield, to trust her. That may prove difficult, though, since he doesn't even know that she's a girl.

One-shot stories based around characters from all movies and books with reader. I take any requests except under-age and almost any fandom.

The Quest of Erebor as it might have been.Billa Baggins is not your average burglar- or, perhaps, a burglar at all. That remains to be seen. Thorin resents this little female's habit of gaining a foothold wherever she lands. Even in his heart.A retelling/reinvention of A Hobbit's Tale, beginning with Thorin's arrival at Bag End. Through the Reclaiming of Erebor, and beyond! WARNING: Ridiculous length, extreme drama, and non-canon moments galore. Written and edited by the Ladies Juno and Loki.

Belladonna, on her way to the Iron Hills, dies in childbirth after finding shelter in a destroyed and abandoned Erebor. Her newborn son, Bilbo, is left in the Mountain, raised by Smaug.When Thorin and his Company come to reclaim their home, they’re surprised to find a Hobbit within its walls.

Let’s just assume Thrain spent a good decade or three more on his wanderings before being killed by Sauron. On one of her adventures Belladonna Baggins has a torrid affair with a batty old dwarf who claims he is the rightful king of some long-lost mountain. It was jolly good fun, but she has a smial waiting for her back home with her husband inside. Bungo, bless his heart, takes the news of her pregnancy by another man, err- dwarf, in good stride. And when their son is born, well, he has Bungo’s chin, doesn’t he? The neighbourhood certainly doesn't need to know that her Bilbo isn't a Baggins, let alone an actual Hobbit. And his feet are furry (just slightly so) and his ears are pointed (just a bit rounder than normal) and he eats like any Hobbit would. It's just that sometimes, when he corrects her on her history or spends hours weaving the tale of some mountain kingdom and manages the other fauntlings like he is some sort of princeling, that Belladonna thinks that the only odd thing about her son is how he seems old beyond his years.

Once upon a time the Fae walked the lands of Middle Earth.Once upon a time a hobbit took a fairy wife, founding an entire bloodline of hobbits carrying traces of fairy blood in their veins. Every so often this blood acts up, resulting in a hobbit being born who's just a little bit...different. Such was the case with the birth of Bilba Baggins, daughter of Bungo and Belladonna Baggins. She's a little more wild than most, a little more adventurous, and a lot more prone to rescuing long lost dwarven princes from the clutches of vile Necromancers, befriending wargs and aiding in the reclamation of kingdoms from megalomaniac dragons. Frerin, son of Thrain, son of Thror is perfectly fine with this. Well, maybe not the befriending wargs part...

Bilbo gets knotted.

When Bilbo accidentally wakes Smaug, he has no idea of the true trouble he’s in.

A different possibility of what happens when Bilbo is sent down to face the dragon. Really, it is an excuse to use bits of The Hobbit text, DoS quotes, and Sherlock quotes to have a fun bit of crack, followed by a fun bit of smut. Inspired by a dildo.

Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairytales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life. Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep. And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit.

The Line of Durin fell, and Bilba Baggins felt as if she fell along with them. Unable to find peace upon returning to the Shire, she takes to the road and spends her life alone, fighting to protect the weak, training in futility to fight a battle long since won, and to save those long since buried under stone. Her road is a lonely one, but one she feels she deserves for her failures to save the ones she loved. The One, she loved. She once thought she would find peace in death, and in the hope of seeing those she loved in the afterlife, but it seems even that is to be denied her, for as her eyes close in death, they open again - to find herself back in Bag End. And the date on the calendar is the day a wizard once appeared, and asked her to join in on an adventure.

In his attempt to distract Smaug from attacking Lake-town, Bilbo accidentally destroys the One Ring of Power, saves the day and brings peace on Middle-Earth. When it comes to him and Thorin, that resolves absolutely nothing.