cup

When he opens his eyes again, he finds himself in his old bed in his old home in his old body. Is this death? Or a trick of magic? Either way, Bilbo recognizes a second chance when he sees one, and this time his adventure with Thorin is going to go a bit differently.

Sometimes, Bilbo finds, not everything goes according to plan. First an injury and the coming winter delay his leaving Erebor, then word from the Shire leaves him mourning his beloved Bag End. And because getting added to Thorin's council isn't trouble enough, Kili is in love with an elf, Fili may or may not have his eyes on a certain little scribe, everyone seems to think he is a lady hobbit, and Thorin needs to find someone to marry. Okay. So the last part might not be trouble, exactly, except for the part where it makes Bilbo's rather hopeless attachment even more painful. Or it wouldn't if he hadn't possibly accidentally promised to provide Thorin with an heir... and Dáin just might still be scheming something. Fortunately, if there's one thing hobbits are good at, it's growing things. And Thorin did promise him a garden.

When Bilbo puts himself between Thorin and Azog's blade, his mithril shirt protecting them both, it isn't long before some dwarves whisper that 'Oakenshield' might not be the best epithet for their king anymore. But for Bilbo, barred from Thorin's sight since the battle, this new epithet only adds to the sting. Spending his days caring for the recovering princes, Bilbo wonders how much more of this he can take, not suspecting his place at the center of a silent divide in the company.

A retelling of The Hobbit, from the point of view of Ms. Bilbo Baggins, who travels with her loving dwarves to reclaim the Lonely Mountain and has many an erotic mishap along the way.

To reclaim their kingdom, the Company of Thorin Oakenshield will need all the help they can get.

Bilba Baggins, popular model for a premier lingerie company, isn't always entirely convinced that the perks of the job are worth the hassle. Can't she even go to the shops without being recognized? But Thorin Oakenshield doesn't seem to recognize her at all, even with her nearly-naked breasts forever plastered across half of London. That's... a very refreshing change.

As Billanna Baggins would stare at her children, her precious daughters as different from the sun and moon, with eyes from their father, she thought of Thorin. He was with her every breath and she could still feel his touch no matter where she was.But how could she forgive what she could not forget?Maybe she should have known...that one has yet realized the wealth of sympathy, the kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. For those treasures we keep can hold a splendor to behold.

Ten years later, and Harry wakes up in deep in the Mirkwood as the Elves begin their starlight festival. But because it's Harry, nothing about it is going to be easy, especially since the King doesn't seem to want to send him home.

Lyla Baggins, a respectable hobbit, with a Tookish streak, agrees to follow a group of dwarves far to the East, over ranges and rivers, to reclaim their homeland. Her mission is simple: defeat a dragon and convince the leader of the company, Thorin Oakenshield, to trust her. That may prove difficult, though, since he doesn't even know that she's a girl.

Waking up in a time that has long gone by is as confusing as it is terrifying. The latter especially rings true when Gimli realizes that he is going to meet people he has mourned for decades... and that he might have come here alone. Also, what if - what if he cannot change all the wrongs that happened the last time?

Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all…

When Thorin summons the company to the Lesser Hall and Bilbo explains what she wants done, there is a long silence, followed by thunderous argument. “I suppose we shouldn’t have expected better,” Bilbo mutters as Óin and Dwalin bellow at each other. It’s typical, Thorin thinks, and is disgusted with himself for the rush of fondness he feels.

Bilba Baggins, Hobbit Burglar of Erebor finds herself back in Bag End, young and healthy once more, she begins enjoying her afterlife in Yavannas Garden (the Hobbit equivalent to the Halls of Waiting) when thirteen familiar Dwarves turn up at her door, raid her pantry and start throwing about her dishes. Gandalf is convinced she's the right Hobbit Burglar for the job, but Bilba's done all this before and no one remembers but her. What's a Hobbit to do?

The Quest of Erebor as it might have been.Billa Baggins is not your average burglar- or, perhaps, a burglar at all. That remains to be seen. Thorin resents this little female's habit of gaining a foothold wherever she lands. Even in his heart.A retelling/reinvention of A Hobbit's Tale, beginning with Thorin's arrival at Bag End. Through the Reclaiming of Erebor, and beyond! WARNING: Ridiculous length, extreme drama, and non-canon moments galore. Written and edited by the Ladies Juno and Loki.

Hobbits, Bilbo finds, have an exceedingly simple way of finding their soulmates: You fall in love with who you will, and once you both feel the same, you'll get your marks. Dwarves, in typical dwarven fashion, do everything backwards, getting their marks first and then trying to find the matching one. Really, he's quite content to be courted by Thorin, who has no mark at all. Kíli has no mark, either, until they come to Mirkwood, and things get needlessly complicated. Because of course elves do things yet another way, as though Bilbo didn't have enough of a headache already. Of course, there's also the ultimate question: how to tell about your pregnancy to a partner who is not only gold-mad, but also doesn't believe in the existence of illegitimate children?

Who is Kili's father? He doesn't know. Thorin doesn't know. Dis knows. She's not telling. What happens when he finds out that she left and didn't tell him she was carrying his son? Alternative Ending to BOFA. Family drama!

At one point in their life, all Dwarrow feel The Calling, the need to create something special for their One. Nori was a thief; his craft was to steal things. Somehow he doubted that particular combination would work out, and that didn’t even begin to account for Hobbits and Dragons. Based on a prompt by Pirateking that got a bit out of hand XD Don’t let the size of this scare you. The chapters aren’t long and there are enough opportunities to take a break, hydrate, and be a responsible adult if necessary. Story Arcs:Prologue – Chapter 05: Pre-QuestChapter 06 – Chapter 10: HobbitonChapter 11 – Chapter 17: From Hobbiton to RivendellChapter 18 – Chapter 25: RivendellChapter 26 – Chapter 29: Misty MountainsChapter 30 – Chapter 36: At Beorn’sChapter 37 – Chapter 45: MirkwoodChapter 46 – Chapter 49: Lake-TownChapter 50 – Chapter 56: AzsâlulabadChapter 57 – ongoing: War Council and Battel

Bilbo has heard fairytales of the lost prince of the dwarves, Thorin son of Thrain, who disappeared the day Smaug attacked the Lonely Mountain. But he does not believe in fairytales until he comes across the dwarf sleeping in the depths of Erebor, and kisses him back to life. Now Thorin - a hundred and fifty years out of his time - has to confront a world in which his city is empty, his people scattered, his baby brother Frerin is king, two nephews he's never met are missing in action, and a war is brewing right on his doorstep. And as if that wasn't complicated enough he's trapped in the body of an old man and falling stupidly in love with a gossipy, grudging little hobbit.

After the Battle of Five Armies, Bilbo isn't sure of his welcome in the mountain, and thus returns to the Shire as soon as he can. Somewhat to his surprise, Ori goes with him -- but it turns out Ori has his own reasons for leaving Erebor behind. Well, Bilbo's quite used to being the talk of the Shire. The line of Durin might suffer of thick skulls, but fortunately Kíli is less stubborn than his uncle and brother, and decides to fix things, even if that means taking his newlywed wife for a ride all the way to the Shire and beyond. Of course, he doesn't yet know what he'll see there -- but he does know how to fix things. Even if it means giving up his claim to the throne. (Let's not kid ourselves -- that's his favourite part.)

Some people are born with a soulmate mark. Others secretly petition the gods. The gods rarely answer, but when they do, there are consequences. For most races, soulmates are coveted. For Hobbits, soulmates are too passionate, too possessive, and have too many children and not enough prize-winning produce. Female Billa Baggins may be tempted by Thorin Oakenshield, but she knows better.

Dwarves do not marry or love outside their race. It would have been nice, if they could. It would have saved Bilbo Baggins' life, if they could. They cannot though, and will not. He will die of his broken heart, but he is mortal so it would have happened anyway. It's painful, it's disheartening, but it is reality. So Bilbo leaves Erebor for Mirkwood, to keep the secrets of his people safe and to spare the family of his heart the sight of his Fading. Then the true nature of his Ring is found out. Bilbo will destroy this evil before the Fading takes him. He can live until then, complete this task to protect the people he loves.