romantic inexperience

AU of PoA. Harry wakes in the night to a voice calling him from somewhere in the castle—and when he follows it, everything changes. Updated every Friday.

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

At four years old, Harry decides that he would like to be a snake when he grows up. A story following Harry as he wills himself to become more and more serpentine - to the discomfort, bafflement, and horror of everyone around him.

Revenge is the misguided attempt to transform shame and pain into pride. Being forsaken and neglected, ignored and forgotten, revenge seems a fairly competent obligation at this point.Skylar is the boy who lived, that's why he's important. I'm not Skylar.Going to Hogwarts is part of the plan, waking the basilisk is part of the plan, taking potions, learning spells, being tortured, murdering others, watching people di- I’m going to tell you a story, although it’s a bit long. I’m going to make you listen, because I want you to understand how you made me a monster. I’ll call this story antithesis, and you’re going to learn every single moment where things went wrong. I want you to cry, and beg for me to kill you, and when I’m done with this, you’re going to want to do that to yourself. You’re going to listen, because in the end, you owe me that much. You owe me so much more, but here we are, and this is how it’s going to end. Who knows, maybe this useless battle between you and me and this bloody world, well, maybe we always were fated to kill each other. Do you know what it is like to be unmade?

A massive Choose Your Own Adventure story, featuring four unique campaigns and a plethora of endings. Take control of one of the four members of Team RWBY as they awake inside Mobyus - a titanic Grimm containing a multitude of alien biomes, dangerous traps, and a gallery of grotesque Grimm. How did they get there? What is Mobyus? So much is unknown. However, there is one thing certain: Everything is out to get them. Everything is out to mate with them. Everything is out to stop them from reaching the light of day. Can Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang crawl, climb, swim, and fight their way to freedom? Or will they find themselves forever trapped in this fleshy hell?

He was the bloody Serpent of Eden, and he wasn’t going to stand for this kind of flagrant trespassing.

Abused by the Dursley’s and ignored by everyone else, Parseltongue becomes Harriet Potter’s escape and brings out her Slytherin side. After a chance encounter with Draco aged 8 brings her abilities to light, the Malfoys, and eventually Severus, take an interest and induct Harry into the magical world (not that they know she’s really Harry Potter!).

As Harry Potter slays the Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, blood and venom get in his eyes, mostly blinding him. While Harry learns to adapt, he makes some new friends. But this is more than a story of adaptation and friendship as there are threats... and Harry isn't the only one with a past that haunts him. 10-20-2021 I've started recording a podcast of this fanfic, find it on spotify:https://open.spotify.com/episode/0F1WFCHXmZs68LObsQORbh

In which Tom Riddle finds himself lost, alone, and hurt in the middle of Knockturn Alley, and stumbles upon a peculiar place called Harry's Snake Shop.

Orochimaru summons one of his snakes on a mission and somehow ends up with a small human child with black hair and green eyes.

When snatchers caught the golden trio and brought them to Malfoy manor, no one expected that Granger bleeding out on the drawing room floor would awaken the spirit of the manor when it recognized Hermione as its rightful mistress. "Mistress?" Draco questioned. "Yes, sir," the elf continued. "Mistress Hermione. Your beloved." Draco Malfoy goes back in time and tries to fix things. A rewrite of all seven Hogwarts years with Harry, Hermione, and Draco being the Slytherin silver trio. Slow burn. Eventual Dramione.

Being a Parselmouth came with the inherent predisposition to understand snake behaviours and imitate them. It was relieving Harry wasn’t going to kill anyone with venom, nor petrify them with his gaze. But also, somewhat frustrating as it was all completely useless. None of the skills that came with being a Parselmouth would help Harry survive Voldemort. It might, in fact, have the opposite effect. For all Riddle's fury that Harry was the cause of his elder self’s defeat, he was fascinated by the fact Harry was also a Parselmouth. He had grabbed Harry’s face, turning him side to side looking bemusedly enraptured by Harry’s threat display. “At your age, I was imitating much more vicious snakes than this, Harry.” That may have been all well and good, but Harry didn’t feel very vicious. He felt very threatened and in over his head.

Harry’s been learning about pure-blood culture, with Pansy’s help, and trying to blend in as an ordinary wizard. But will all his attempts at seeming normal be ruined when they find out he can speak to snakes? His Slytherin friends take the news differently than the Gryffindors.

Crowley's prank to leave Aziraphale with fake eggs to babysit does not go remotely as planned.

A violent flood leaves behind a barren village, a ruined nest for the local serpent monster, and a very warm-blooded human. Where will the serpent burrow for warmth now, if not inside the warm cavity of a certain young man? Where else to raise its many eggs in safety and comfort? The story of a boy turned human sleeve for a monster and all its mates.

Malfoy is up to something (also, something is up Malfoy's ass)

Harry Potter is the Master of Death, and thus, immortal. Every couple thousand years, he'll let himself reincarnate into a new dimension. This dimension is quite similar to his first one, except he has a twin brother, and the Voldemort in this world is willing to give up everything he's worked for, as long as Harry teaches him magic. And Harry? Harry just likes annoying Voldemort with memes, vines, and Potter Puppet Pals.

What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals. The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

They were right, those old wizards who thought Parseltongue was a Dark gift. As Harry begins his slide down, fighting desperately all the way, Draco is more than happy to take advantage of the Hero’s fall from the Light.

They say that you dream about your soulmate's life. Flashes of what they did that day or a week before. Harry has been dreaming for as long as he remembers. Dreams of death, of magic and friendship. With the cruel life he saw during the day and the cruel life he sees in the night, is it such a surprise that Harry isn't a Gryffindor but a Slytherin? That he isn't the perfect poster boy. That after seeing Dumbledore through his soulmate's eyes, that he doesn't love him like he was supposed to? Follow Harry and his friends through his years at Hogwarts, where he chooses to stand beside his soulmate in all his endeavours, to help him. Will they manage to rule together?

The summer after his sixth year, Harry has an unexpected visitor. (Sheer unadulterated PWP, featuring the infamous snake sounding scene.)