feminine Draco Malfoy

"The fuck,“ Deadpool said slowly. He was staring at him in a way that made Peter feel decidedly uncomfortable, and this was saying something, considering Deadpool had a habit of leering at him at the most inappropriate times."Are you kidding me?" he eventually gasped. "How OLD are you? Twelve?“

After the hell that was Ultron and the Sokovia Accords, Tony doesn't blame the team for wanting nothing to do with him. To make up for past mistakes, Tony disappears into his lab and focuses on using his money and brains to provide the Avengers with more fancy tech than they'll ever need. By doing this, he also doesn't have to worry about Steve's grim frown, Bucky's hateful gaze, or everyone else's cold annoyance. For six long months, this formula worked, but then fate decided to be a Loki-like dick and Tony wasn't sure how it happened, but in the span of one week, he'd somehow acquired a kid.

Peter's class takes a field trip to the tower. Peter thinks that this is a recipe for embarrassment and disaster on all counts. Peter is somewhat correct.

Peter had only been in the gig of being Spider-Man for less than two years. He avoided the Avengers and other heroes like the plague, knowing that if they knew who he was and how old he was that they'd stop him from helping people. Now Spider-Man is entangled in assumptions of character, and the fear that he is a vigilante that could go rogue and power-hungry, the Avengers are tasked at stopping him before he 'goes too far'. This is a story about how Spider-Man and the Avengers finally meet - - and how Peter might get more than he would ever ask for.

"Wade.""Mr. Rogers."They stared at each other, one calm and silent in his fury while the other looked like a deer about to be pummeled by an eighteen-wheeler."I'm sure you have a reason for being in my son's bed without a shirt on?"***In which Peter gets sick, the team coddles him, and Wade sneaks in to cuddle him.

Peter needs more sleep. And time. But he definitely doesn't need help, or at least that's what he tells himself. Aka Peter isn't a good self-advocate. Aka the title is pretty self-explanatory.

Tony Stark gets thrown into a new world when a one- night stand ends with him having a son. When it's discovered that Peter is deaf due to his mother's mistakes while pregnant, Tony vows to become the father he never had. Fortunately, he's got the Avengers to step up as a team— and a family.

Framed for a felony drug charge while vying for an internship at Stark Industries, Peter Parker loses his scholarship, job opportunities, six months of freedom, and faith in the criminal justice system. Although Peter is still secretly Spider-man, he is now more commonly known as Mouse, a dishwasher at NYC's Hellhouse and Weasel’s unofficial messenger boy. We do what we must.

Given that over the course of the past eleven months Peter Parker hasn't contracted so much as a head-cold, the teenager thought it safe to assume that the whole 'irradiated spider bite' gig had equipped him with an immune system of steel that rivalled Captain America's. So when he wakes up one night in the midst of the worst asthma attack he's suffered in almost eight years, neither he nor the rest of the team can think of a logical explanation.And everything sort of goes downhill from there. (Set in an Alternative Universe where Peter moved into the Avengers’ Tower following the events of The Amazing Spider-Man.)

Tony Stark could never have imagined fatherhood would be this stressful—oh right, he had, which is why he never had kids—but then along came a spider. Peter Parker is your average dorky kid; he attends high school, plays video games with his friend, tries to get his homework in on time, and—oh right—swings through the city, dodging bullets and roping up bad guys in his spare time. Life can get pretty complicated while trying to live two separate lives, especially when one draws a lot of attention, and not always the good kind.

Bucky's mission was protect. Peter knew that. He just wasn't prepared for how far Bucky was willing to go to do it. -- A bomb goes off on a mission, and Bucky throws himself in front of Peter. Peter gets cracked ribs and a concussion. Bucky gets off worse. Steve doesn't think he can stand losing him again. -- Featuring a blizzard of angst. Whiteout conditions, folks. Drive with tissues on hand. There will be a happy ending.

Steve and Peter lose their apartment and are kicked out on the streets. Steve has to juggle between jobs to earn whatever money he can, take care of his son while resfusing to let him realize how much they're trouble in, and keep them warm and safe on the city streets in winter. So, he really doesn't have time to date the billionaire that flirts with him everyday as he buys his cup of coffee. Even if he did, he can't let himself fall for the man. Because if he knew that he lived from a backpack and showered in a public bathroom there's no way he'd still want him...right?

Peter takes a beating, Bucky cleans him up. Featuring concerned Steve and warm, oversized pajamas covered in sheep.

"I'm sorry. Repeat that again." Tony leaned forward in his seat from across the table. He even stuck a finger in his ear as if he was cleaning it out. "I don't think I heard you right." Fury rolled his eyes-- or well, eye. "You and Rogers need to go undercover as a married couple in a community out on Long Island." -- After Civil War, Tony and Steve are sent on an undercover mission as a couple to try and find Hydra informants. Somehow, they end up with Peter as their undercover son who decides to play matchmaker even if the two of them are doing their best to ignore their feelings after Siberia.

Wade is contracted to kill Spider-man, but after some surveillance he decides the hero is just too chill to kill. Too sweet to defeat. Too squish to extinguish. Too golden boy to destroy. (Etcetera.) Somehow, instead of blowing up in his face, it avalanches into a tentative friendship filled with crime-fighting, Netflix bingeing, top notch take-out, city-saving, shenanigans, weird alien symbiotes, and personal growth. Which is pretty much when Wade knows he’s fucked. But like, maybe in the good way, for once?

Three months after the Chitauri attack, Tony received a phone call that changed his life. (Or, the one in which a group of remarkable people come together and balance battling villains and raising a child).

peter, on the phone: dad i forgot my homework can you drop it off in the seminar hall it's empty don't worry strange: ok strange, walking out of a portal into a hall filled with students: peter, loudly: EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM OWES ME FIVE DOLLARS I TOLD YOU MY DAD WAS A WIZA- (based on a glorious tweet from the "incorrect ironstrange" account that i follow for Reasons)

Tony is no stranger to paternity claims from his female conquests, there's a system in place for them. But when one of the tests actually comes back positive, he makes a rash decision to not tell anyone about it, not even Pepper Potts. All Mary Parker wants is for Tony to spend a little time with their son, and she'll badger Tony Stark into showing up at least twice a month in any way that she can. And then he goes missing for three months in Afghanistan. Tony has a lot to think about in his life now, how he wants to run his company, how his life is going to change with the arc reactor, and what he's going to do about his son, Peter. Then, the Avengers Initiative pops up, and in waltzes his childhood hero, and enemy, Captain America. Follows IM1, IM2, Avengers. Not canon-compliant, but follows the plots. Tags to be added as written. Bad summary.

Peter first meets Deadpool when he's nine years old, shaking in a basement somewhere and waiting to die.

...and one time Peter scared the Avengers. Or: After May leaves for a business trip, Peter finds himself living at the Avengers Tower for a month. Things go down just about as you'd expect. (i was 14 when i wrote this please look away..)

There has to be some kind of life-threatening emergency - why else would Bucky show up in the middle of Peter's Spanish class? ... Nope. It's time for Peter's annual physical appointment, which he'd been informed of and promptly forgotten about. Featuring an anxious Bucky, three awesome elderly people, a scheming cat, and other fluffy things.