humour

In canon, at the end of Book 5 Harry blames Snape and Dumbledore for Sirius' death, but by the start of Book 6 he inexplicably forgets all about that. In this story he doesn't forget, and events take a very different turn. Harry decides that Dumbledore is part of the problem, not part of the solution. He seeks out a new and potentially more useful ally - Rufus Scrimgeour, the new Minister for Magic. How will that decision change things? And how will a hormonal teenage Harry adjust to sharing a room with Auror Tonks, the extremely hot bodyguard that Scrimgeour assigns to him? Independent!Harry. Proactive!Harry. An occasionally X-rated (NC17-rated in the US) novel-length Honks re-write of Half-Blood Prince that’s about 80% plot, 10% humour and 10% smut. The smut doesn’t really take off until Chapter 7. Just to be clear, the smut in this story is very smutty. If you don’t like smut this story is not for you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Of the 440,000+ Harry Potter fanfics on AO3 this story is in the top 1000 (by kudos)! Of those that don't involve slash it's in the top 100! Thank you to everyone who hit the kudos button. You guys rock!

“Scared Potter?” Malfoy sneered, and Harry snapped. He was done, finished, fed up with playing the innocent little Gryffindor with no common sense and a microscopic amount of intelligence. He rolled his eyes. “Why yes Malfoy, I’m terrified, can’t you see me quaking in my boots? You, a second year child armed with a stick is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. Please, please don’t fatally injure me in front of three hundred witnesses and two teachers with your mean words and nasty smiles. Whatever shall I do?” The entire hall fell silent and Malfoy gaped. Harry smirked. Lockhart looked entirely bemused, and he thought Snape might be holding back a laugh. Harry spent his first year hiding his intelligence and playing the role of the Boy Who Lived. However Lockhart and Malfoys' combined presence finally causes him to snap, and chaos ensues from there.

Spiderman has been missing for one year, two months and five days.Clint Barton happens across a homeless kid named Peter Parker.

When Draco Malfoy falls into a cursed sleep and can only be woken – at least, according to the Daily Prophet, that impeccable source of truth – by ‘true love’s kiss’, Harry Potter knows there’s no way on earth he’s the answer to this particular riddle. Is he . . .?

Draco Malfoy, Head of Veela Affairs at the Department of Magical Beings, does not do people favours. Harry Potter, recently turned werewolf, is not “people” – not to Draco anyway. Does Draco plan to fall in love with Harry when he decides to help him? No. Does he end up falling in love with him anyway? Pft, what do you think?

“I’m in love,” Oikawa declared, succumbing to the warm embrace of his arms once more, burying his head deep within the confines. “You’re dating someone? Oh shit, I didn’t know that,” Kuroo whistled. “I wish,” Oikawa responded with a sigh, memory flashing back to the handsome stranger and his green eyes, warm complexion, and those arms – “Oh, so it’s that kind of love. Alright, hit me. What’s his name?” Oikawa’s face twisted down in an offended glare. “You don’t know his name?” Kuroo asked carefully, lips teetering on the edge of a smile. “Not yet, but I will. Mark my words, the next time he comes in here I’m going to get his name and his number,” Oikawa announced firmly. “That is, if he comes back. You know, this could have been a one time thing,” Bokuto reminded unhelpfully. “I take back what I said earlier. I’m firing you,” Oikawa deadpanned.

Two years after the war, and Harry’s content with his life. OK, so it’s a little annoying that he keeps winning Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor award, and he’s really not looking forward to the unveiling of an enormous gold statue of himself, but he loves his friends, and he loves being an Auror. And if he yearns for something more, something he can barely bring himself to think about, well, he’ll probably get over it. No one’s happy all the time, are they? But then everything changes, and Harry’s thrown into a new and dazzling world he’s not sure he can actually escape from. And as time goes on, he starts to wonder: does he actually want to? AKA the one where Draco is a - sort of - Muggle pop star (it's complicated)

He thought about the way Harry looked at him, smiled at him; about the way Draco’s head was nearly always full of him, all day every day, and about the way Draco sometimes deliberately went to bed still smelling of him, refusing to acknowledge what it meant – because he already fucking knew what it meant. What all of it meant. And then Draco decided, fuck it, he was going to risk it. They were going to risk it together, Harry and Draco. Smuffy little piece written for the universal darling's birthday celebrations!

Hobbits always survive; even where trained and experienced soldiers don't.Has no one ever wondered about this?Thorin and the Company learn that it takes more than luck to be small in a big world.OR - Bilbo has unexpected skills and Thorin finds he likes them.

Harry Potter had never really managed a normal, peaceful Halloween, so he really shouldn't have been surprised when he was suddenly displaced from the grocery store and found himself in front of a maniacally cackling man in a very dramatic outfit.

”Oh, shit,” he groans, “This is like Cinderella, isn’t it?! Like Cinderella, but with cock. Cock instead of slippers.” Where Harry’s hexed so that he can’t lose his erection until he sleeps with his soulmate. If only those were easier to find.

A very bored Harry Potter starts writing to the Dark Lord over the summer after his fifth year at Hogwarts. An equally bored Voldemort decides to write back. And thus, a summer of secrets is born, and the enemy named boredom is fended off.

A war-torn and weary Harry Potter manages to find his way back in time. Unlike what he's expecting, he finds a world without the war-monger Voldemort and no real place for him to fit in. Stuck where he is, he decides to make the best of it and carve out a life for himself with the preparations he'd made, no matter what he has to carve through to get that.

A collection of RWBY drabbles covering different themes and styles. Chapter 244: What do you get for the dragon who has everything? Blake the Wise has some very... peculiar requirements.

By the time he’d hit his 17th birthday, he’d sorted his life out.It came down to this:His name was Stiles Stilinski. He was the son of the Sheriff and his wife, deceased, and his best friend was Scott McCall, an ex-asthmatic werewolf with a nurse mother and an absent father. He was the cleverest in his class, after the strawberry blonde he had a crush on, and he had been diagnosed with ADHD at the age of seven. On full moons, he ran around and cooked for the local pack of werewolves. And he was a demon changeling. Stiles has managed to avoid Hell and its natives for near 16 years. He's almost managed to fool himself he's human. And best friend who smells of wet dog or not, he thinks he'd got a pretty good deal with this second chance at a life, and is planning to stick with it. But, unknown to Stiles, the new king of Hell has other ideas...

Jimin pauses with his marker inches away from the cup, because — is he really going to do this? Isn’t it a bit old-fashioned to write something flirty on a coffee cup? But no matter what his churning gut says about danger and what the hell are you doing do you want to die, this guy is — with no better way to put it — totally Jimin’s Type with a capital T. (Or: Jimin accidentally starts a nickname war with the cute blonde who likes his coffee way too bitter.)

Sakumo has no idea where all of these habits of Kakashi's are coming from. In which five-year-old Kakashi forgets the existence of his left eye, loses his ability to lie believably, and is a little too knowledgeable about the Birds and Bees. Still, no matter what oddities went on in Kakashi's head, one thing is certain – the boy will always love his father, through thick and thin.

Expomise: a transformation spell that bonds two objects together./ Yuuri is at Hogwarts. So is everyone else./ “Hey,” Yuuri dares to say, voice low, “Maybe we should write this down…?” “Oh,” Victor blinks in surprise at him, his long fingers wrapped around a long dark brown wand, “Sure, you can take notes.” Pause. Yuuri doesn’t really want to say anything, but he powers through. He’s going to make new friends and be more outgoing, he has to. “Aren’t you gonna do it, though? Do you have a really great memory?” The boy stares at him as if he’s from another planet, “I’m Victor Nikiforov.” Yuuri stares back, uncomprehending, “Yeah, you have a cool name.” “No, I mean,” Victor purses his lips, frowning in confusion, glancing to check if their Professor’s looking at them, “I’m like, Victor Nikiforov.”

Harry and Draco are sent on an undercover assignment to catch a Dark wizard — which might not be so bad if it weren't at a Muggle nudist resort. Now Draco has to deal with a very interested Harry, temptation he's long-since learned to ignore, and threats around every corner — including the one to his heart.

“I am not cute! I will crush my enemies!” But these people – her parents – had only smiled, and said – “Of course you will, darling.” “And you’ll make sure they never get up again.” And, well. Wasn’t that refreshing? OR Azula is reborn into the Uchiha clan. It's not half as bad as she thought it would be.

“What do you want, my son?” Talia asked him. “What do you truly want?” And when Jason pushed aside his obsession with Bruce, the answer was so clear. He knew exactly what he wanted. He knew what he’d always wanted, ever since he was that little street rat who spent money he needed for food on making himself look clean. Because he’d needed to look clean and presentable to get into the public libraries. Because they wouldn’t have let a dirty homeless kid touch the books. “I want to go to college.” And Talia had made that happen for him. (AU where, at the end of his League of Assassins training, Jason decides to go to Metropolis for college instead of going back to Gotham for revenge. Things spiral from there. The title is so sarcastic by the way. There’s nothing regular about Jason Todd.)

The Untamed universe is exactly the same, except everybody has magical crystals that have a suspiciously familiar messaging system. The story is pretty much the same as the show, except everyone lives!! (so minor changes).orin which Wei WuXian tries his darndest to date Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng possibly has a aneurysm, Jin ZiXuan is still the most awkward human alive, and Xue Yang makes me write some VERY cursed things. Written in chatfic format! :3 Comments are very much appreciated! ^.^b

It's at the bottom of the list for jobs in the company, but Clarke finds herself sitting in front of two intimidating women without a care in the world. After all its only for the mailroom, how hard can it be? "What do you know about the company we run?" Anya questions eyeing the blonde carefully like she's some kind of secret service. "Well," Clarke says eyes staring at the women in front of her. "It's very big"

Harry's bringing his boyfriend home to meet his parents. It goes about as well as can be expected.

Everyone believes that Midoriya Izuku is quirkless - how very wrong they are. On the worst day of his life Izuku decides to accept his father's invitation to join the LoV, despite not being sure he wants to become a villain... (let's see how long that lasts) This leads to new family, new friends, a new identity, and Consequences for those who previously hurt him. Also a change of destiny for a certain couple of hero-wannabe's. (note: this fic is planned out and won't be abandoned, although unexpected hiatuses may occur...)

England, 1811. Social status is everything, and the obsession of every parent is to see their children married well. For twenty-year-old Omega Will Graham, life in a small Hertfordshire market town with his father, adopted mother and four half-sisters is tranquil, if a little dull. Until, that is, a party of strangers arrives in the neighbourhood, sending every mother within five miles into a frenzy of anticipation. For not only are the newcomers Alpha aristocracy, but one among them - Mr Hannibal Lecter - is the owner of the largest estate in Derbyshire... and single. A pity, then, that Will and Hannibal's first meeting is less than auspicious. But sometimes, fate and circumstance have a way of conspiring to bring together even the most stubborn of individuals... Ethics & Aesthetics, a Regency A/B/O romance.

Harry returns for his seventh year determined to change the status quo. A tale of romance, betrayal, initiative and derring-do!

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?" Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval. "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening." AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it.

Hermione Granger is an Unspeakable with the Department of Mysteries working exclusively within the Time Room. Her investigations into a group that worships the long dead Voldemort leads her back many years in the past.

Nobara and Yuuji are dating. Nobara was not informed of this.

Loki catches a cold and his magic goes crazy. The Avengers are being taken out one by one...

“FN-2187 was real, right?” She sounds very young again. “Please tell me he was real." "I'm real,” said Finn, who was on his first patrol since his back healed. “And my name’s Finn now.” Her eyes widened. “You have a name?* Or: The resistance is starting to get stormtrooper defectors. Finn helps them out.

Harry Potter descends on Hogwarts with a horde of magical beasts. Professor Malfoy is not amused.

Katsuki and Izuku had internships this morning. They should be back at the dorms by now. And yet. The wailing child has familiar green hair and freckles, though they’re almost hidden by the redness of his face. The other is swearing loudly, with spiky blond hair, blazing red eyes, and explosions sparking off his palms. “Uh. Katsuki? Midoriya?” Denki asks. “Wow, Kacchan, UA shudents! So c- cool! I wonder what quirks they got.” Well. That answers that. Holy shit.

It started with a liquor-fuelled night of fun and ended with Ichigo on all fours. Curious about the Shihouin family secret, Ichigo engrosses himself in a new form of training, and accidentally endears himself to Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. The only problem is that Ichigo is living a double life, and Grimmjow has no idea the shinigami he detests is also his newfound stray friend.