Sometimes love is an obligation to your grandmother
Dearest Derek,
Welcome to your 21st year! As per the wonderful tradition of the house of Hale, you will be attending some of the best places to be single that Beacon Hills has to offer today. First, it’s to the Coffee Shop on Main where you will get two lemon zest chocolate chip muffins. Listen to me very carefully, I’m going to ease you into the way this works. Buy two muffins, but you’re only going to eat one. Find someone cute to give the second one to…
The letter went on, but Derek was staring at it in horror, unable to process how terrible that sounded in just the first paragraph. Today was going to suck.
*
Or: Derek's grandmother relishes setting her single grandchildren up on Valentine's Day. Only, less 'setting up' and more 'forcing them to run a singles-only scavenger hunt where the prize is love or at least sex'.
Derek never wins. Derek never WANTS TO win.