you know where i'm going with this

Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started. “Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?” Podfic & Chinese translation available! See notes

A day after the Kyuubi-attack, the ANBU Hound wakes up in 1993's England, where he finds a half-starved dog at the coast. It's Padfoot's lucky day. Sirius tries to evade capture, find his godson and the traitor, and maybe also prove his innocence. Kakashi just wants to find his way home from this odd country that does not speak his language nor even write in his alphabet.

What if Sirius Black didn't die? It's been done many times. Here's my take on it.

Harry has been emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by the Dursleys for years until, at the age of 10, he is sold off to a wealthy sqib for the man's sick pleasures. The Frenchman uses manipulation to turn Harry into his own personal feminized slut. Harry's sole friend is also a dangerous enemy. Little does anyone know that Harry is actually a magical creature about to come into his inheritance. How will Harry's upbringing affect his life at Hogwarts? How will it affect the outcome of the war? Please read the tags! This fic has extreme fetishes!

After surviving the Chamber of Secrets and discovering the truth about Gilderoy Lockhart, Harry Potter returns for his Third Year and his continued pursuit of the Prince's Throne. But Hogwarts and Wizarding Britain are thrown into chaos by the escape of not just Sirius Black, but most of Voldemort's Inner Circle from Azkaban Prison. Meanwhile, Harry's efforts to reconcile with his twin brother and his parents are threatened by the machinations of Peter Pettigrew while other enemies lurk in the shadows. How will Harry Potter over come the Death Eater Menace? NOTE: This work was re-uploaded in July of 2021 after deletion due to an unintentional breach of TOS (since corrected). I apologize for any formatting errors.

Nine-year-old Harry accidentally apprentices himself to a necromancer. Things go downhill from there.

COMPLETED! Being reincarnated as Harry Potter's fraternal twin sister really puts a new meaning behind "death is but the next great adventure."No relationships prior to year four.

Curiosity—the kind that got him here—was the reason his mouth opened and out came, “What is it you get out of stealing life from people?” The creature floated closer and all common sense that should have told him to step back was non-existent. Instead, Harry took a step closer. It was obvious what the creature wanted. He only stared for a moment, no hesitance before his eyes slipped closed and he took. Or the one where Harry encounters a Dementor as a child and doesn't flee, no he sticks around and mimics what he sees.

“... The public is warned that Black is armed and extremely dangerous. A special hot line has been set up, and any sighting of Black should be reported immediately.” (pg. 17 Prisoner of Azkaban) A crash came from the kitchen as a small boy on the cusp of being a teenager dropped the plate he’d been drying. Wide, green eyes rested on the small television his uncle and cousin were glued to, the picture of the gaunt man hauntingly familiar. Even as his uncle and aunt rounded on him to scream about the plate, the boy only uttered a soft whisper. “Sirius?”

Harry Potter is not safe at Number Four Privet Drive, but Lily Potter’s posthumous magic demands that he have a home, so in a crack of thunder four-year-old Harry flashes into existence next to Sirius Black, occupying Cell 12, North Tower, Azkaban.Harry is anonymous there. No one knows who he was before he joined Padfoot in Cell 12, so he is given a new name and raised by Death Eaters, trained for Dark Magic and maybe a little crazier than he ought to be. He knows only the stone walls and the cold until Minerva McGonagall stumbles into Dumbledore's office holding a first-year's letter addressed to the wizarding prison, and he is brought from its stone depths to attend Hogwarts.He is not the Martyr Dumbledore wanted, and he is not the Savior the Wizarding World asked for.This is not the Harry Potter you thought you knew.

A small, seemingly inconsequential change can cause ripples which become a great wave. When Fleur makes the choice to kiss Harry goodbye before leaving Hogwarts after the Triwizard Tournament, it turns out that nothing from then onward would be quite the same. Some changes are better than what might have been. Others are worse. The rest are neither better or worse, but different, and the connection between Harry and Fleur which grows in surprising leaps and bounds is one of these. They forge a bond that begins as friendship, which is then tempered in the fires of the war against Voldemort, before eventually becoming something more. (AU that begins at the end of Goblet of Fire, then diverges from there. Explicit chapters/scenes are marked with asterisks)

The next work in the series; Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban and the Golden Clusterfuck is just trying to stay out of trouble- or rather, they're trying to cause only the normal type of teenage mischief, but the wizarding world seems to have it out for them.

When his mother is murdered for treachery, Draco's world falls apart. Harry, struggling with the events of the graveyard, is now plagued with grotesque visions. To make matters worse, they have to deal with Umbridge and her sadistic iron fist imposed on the school. One hell of a year.

In one world, Regulus Black was right about the locket being Voldemort’s only Horcrux, and killed the Dark Lord. Years later, Regulus, feted left and right and honored as the Man-Who-Conquered, is drowning in boredom and craving a new challenge. He may get more than he can handle, starting with the appearance of a green-eyed stranger in Grimmauld Place.

Introducing Lord Hari James Potter. Wait--are they allowed to do that? Features mentors Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, good Slytherins, doting Draco, and a new friendship. **Each new chapter will be posted as another is written.Update 3/14--Edits are complete and chapter 15 is up! Once I've finished writing book 3, I'll get back to posting. I just wanted to give you something to tide you over.

Harry: walks to his death so Voldy can get his shit popped like BellatrixDeath: swinging a leg bashfully with toe pointed so their massive pitch-black cloak swishes, fidgeting with their scythe, “you want me?”

When Harry goes to Hogwarts, he finally understands that having a dæmon is normal. Only, the wizarding world never anticipated that Harry's dæmon would be an 11 year old Tom Riddle. AU Harry Potter inspired by His Dark Materials.

Under criticism from the public, the ministry wants to show they’re cracking down on crime. So, they send Harry to Azkaban for casting an unforgivable on Bellatrix in their entryway. In a cell surrounded by Death Eaters, dementors stopping by to watch him for far too long, and one guard in particular showing a little too much interest in Harry, Harry’s bound to come out of the situation very changed. Note: The Harry/Draco portion won't be until much later (Harry has to get out of prison first).

Seven-Four-Alpha are back in London with available resources of the Ministry tracking their every move. Draco Malfoy remains lost, last seen in Thibodaux, Louisiana, as MACUSA was closing in. Harry is raging, barely in control of his magic, and the rest of the team are battered and unsure. Their recent failure haunts them, as does the spectre of a MACUSA-Ministry alliance under the control of the Quahog administration and its shadow puppetmaster, Aldric Yaxley. The Dementor crisis with Luxembourg is brewing in the background, as is a conflict with Rodolphus Lestrange. And that's not even mentioning the bargain Blaise struck with Death to return his cup. The team have very little energy or resources for one fight, much less several of this magnitude simultaneously. Should they fail, though, political tyranny will grip both sides of the Atlantic and evils recently banished may return. Each of them is fighting for something they hold dear, but no victory comes without a price. Still, desperate situations call for desperate measures, and desperation appears to be all they have.

Harry always knew he was different, he just had to count to four to prove it.

The rejected handshake; a split second in time that defined Harry Potter's seven years at Hogwarts, and perhaps his life. But what if that fateful moment on the Hogwarts Express had gone a little differently?