homestuck

The first time you pass by the troll in the box you kind of try not to see it. It's gross as fuck when people do this. You guess maybe it's better than driving them out into the country and dumping them to make it on their own, or those stories you've heard about people dumping unwanted wrigglers in sacks into rivers--those you try not to think about because fuck, that is not okay on any level but it's not like you can do shit about it.

As a new player to Sburb, you are likely to experience an age-old dilemna foreordained by the gaming age. Namely, to ask yourself: Is this bugged, or do I just not get it? Well look no further! This Sburb Glitch FAQ will tell you everything you wanted to know about Sburb and even more that you never asked for!

John lost his ability to speak after his vocal chords were damaged due to a childhood illness. He's been picked on and bullied in school, but he has a lot of good friends who protect him. Dave is the new kid, an ironic jock, and a cool mystery. He's intrigued by the quiet kid and it isn't long before he develops a crush. Even though John's friends make it difficult for Dave to get close to him, but the cool kid is determined. This is the story of two boys who stumble through the awkwardness of young love and a communication barrier. Meanwhile a rejected friend and a stubborn brother meet and struggle to understand their own feelings.

Dirk has a plan, when he's 18 he's going to take Dave and get him the fuck out of their terrible lives and start over. Until then being the barrier between Dave and Bro is his only job, his soulmate is just going to have to wait goddamnit. Dave has a plan, it involves getting internet famous and not going gay, easy right? Karkat also has a plan, to repeatedly track down his dumb as rocks soulmate and get him to actually talk to him for fuck's sake.

In an alternate session of SGRUB, something goes wrong, and the timeline is doomed. Nepeta Leijon is given the opportunity to give the universe a second chance. All she has to do is complete one simple task: Ship all the trolls. All of them.

High school can be tough for everyone. This is especially true when you're hiding a secret that can never be told.

"And then I saw a new Alternia, for the old Alternia had passed away." -- St. Troll John Cusack How the Empire knelt to a clown, a mutant and a lawyer.

"And then there's a customized copy of PONY PALS, a gift to you on your 14th birthday from the slippery Mr. Strider. Each page contains lovingly hand-written commentary on the deeds of this intrepid young horse. Later, about halfway through the book, rather than see the gag through to the bitter end, Strider began pasting over entire pages of original text with his own completely rewritten version of the story, while keeping all the chapter titles. His revision is a tough, emotionally draining read. But it's cathartic, in all the worst ways possible.He tends to get carried away with his projects." Note: this work is an altered book, and it plays on the physical relationship between the original pages and the edited text. As such, it's presented as a series of images. Reading the images is the only way to get the full experience, but I'm aware that some people can't/don't want to read it that way. So if that's the case, you can skip to chapter 13, which is a text-only version of the story, including rough descriptions of the most important illustrations.Originally posted on detective-pony.tumblr.com

Your name is John Egbert, and this is definitely not what you intended when you signed up to be a foster home for animals in legal cases. Either way, a bit of love and nursing to health, then his charges would be ready for trial, and a rewarding, happy home. You'd seen trolls on television and YouTube, they were popular exotic pets with celebrities. Certain breeds were even useful for guide pets and companion animals for the elderly. Since they were almost-sentient, of course. Almost.

Who are these shining like one sundered star?[Like kindled lights in untempestuous heaven,Fair flower-like stars on the iron foam of fight] --- Teenage superheroes deal with hormones, mental illness, and extremely secretive guardians in a world of Horrorterrors, giant mutant lusii, mob violence, nightmares of a past life, warring anti-heroes, and asshole carapacians. Sburb AU divergence from Real Men Wear Tights.

100 follower celebration. Series of short requests done over (presumably) a number of days. More info available on my blog.

When the Ministry of Magic enacts a Marriage Law some time after the final battle against Voldemort, this is the reaction from most of the population who’s against the idea. (The Marriage Law Rejection Letters can also be found over at fanfiction.net under the author name Sakura Lisel.) Taking submissions for letters for anyone who wants to do one.

From the kink meme: "so my idea, it's years after the game john can be anywhere from oh 17-23. for some odd reason he needs will be in texas for an undetermined amount of time and can't afford a hotel or renting his own place so dave suggests he stays at bro/daves apartment.no instant 'in lust' sex(fantasizing or UST is fine), must be built up as they actually learn about each other instead of what they know from dave. feel free to put in random 'odd couple' shenanigans as they get use to living together."

A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure-styled fanfic made as a Birthday Present for my boyfriend, the Monster Girl Examiner! Started 08/24/16 and finished on 12/24/16. 26 Bad Endings.5 Secret Bad Endings.2 Normal Endings.1 True Ending. Can you find them all? 8^y The Session is at its end, John's about to let everyone through the Door to the New Universe, when something horrible happens. Rose, Karkat, Roxy, Dave and him are cast to a strange, perverse Land, and now they have to find a way to get to the new Universe, if it even exists anymore. Dozens of alternate paths that may lead to a Bad End, a story full of all sorts of depravity and Monster Girls plowing a group of five silly through various scenarios! Each chapter with a sex scene has the Kinks tagged on the notes at the beginning, so if you don't enjoy a particular kink, you can go ahead and skip that chapter. There's something for everyone here! **UPDATE** Added a link to an HTML, CYOA-version of this fic a friend of mine did on the first chapter's summary, feel free to check it out and thank them for their work!

Your name is Dave Strider and you are 26 years old. You have just gotten engaged. The problem being that you have just gotten engaged to your best male friend in a furious fit of stupidity, champagne, one-upmanship and a weird warm-glowy feeling that occasionally (or more than occasionally) rolls around in the pit of your stomach and makes you act like a moron. You have, over the past 13 years and much careful experimentation, dubbed this “The Egbert Effect”. You would like to state, for the record, that you are definitely, completely and 100% NOT A HOMOSEXUAL. As Bro carefully describes to you what, as the DJ, he’s going to play at the reception (almost entirely a medley of Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha), you carefully nurse a Rock Star and vodka like a 16 year old girl who just popped her cherry at prom and try to figure out what the fuck happened over the past decade or so to land you in this mess.

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window. There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen. “Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says. And then it swallows you. Update: Now with a VERY NSFW illustration by Renaris.

Dave just wants to be left alone. What's the point of anything when what's broken can never be completely fixed? This is the story of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, on the longest journey of their lives.

More than two sweeps after being returned to a restored Alternia, the trolls face impending adulthood and banishment from the planet. Gamzee Makara fully expects to be culled on conscription for poor health and sopor addiction - what he doesn't count on is the personal attention and protection of the Grand Highblood.

Fighting fire with fire is okay in theory but Detective-Summoner Dave L. Strider figures trying to summon corporeal demons to the mortal plane to fight other demons is likely to backfire spectacularly. Sadly for him his inner Knight gets the vapors at the thought of letting anyone else play guinea pig. Yup, he is totally hogging the demon. What could go wrong? (Oh no, Dave, why did you have to think that.)

Dave didn't want to go to the fucking beach for vacation. He's scared of the water. Then he almost drowns and is saved by a certain merman by the name of John.

Dave is a knight in love with the prince. In plain sight they are best friends, but behind closed doors they are much more. But knights are meant for princesses, and John is the heir of the kingdom- and they can not keep another.

John is one of eight mech pilots heroically protecting Earth from an alien invasion. Pretty easy on the moral choices. See evil monster from space, kill evil monster from space. Only then he actually meets one of them face to face.

Newternia's streets are merciless, especially if you happen to be a hard-boiled human Detective on your first case with a crazy Legislacerator.

Thanks to the machinations of Roxy Lalonde the group is once again embroiled in a game of strip poker...this time with a twist! Who will win? Who will lose? Find out, as another chapter in the saga begins.

One minute you get a mysterious message from a man who types all in white like a jackass, and the next thing you know you're being whisked away to a mystical school for kids with superpowers. If you weren't Dave fucking Strider, this sort of thing might bother you.

There exists a disease in which a child is born with only half a functioning heart. The left side is malformed. Damaged. The right side may work on its own for a time, but a heart cannot beat without its other half. It is only through persistence and care that this ugliness, this other side of the heart, can be guided toward life.

In which seven and a half sweeps old Karkat Vantas, member of her Imperial Luminesce's Threshecutioner Corps, takes his moirail's kismesis out on an errand, encounters a variety of problems to do with sea monsters, becomes involved in excruciatingly complicated relationship tangles with his moirail's kismesis' inclade and ends up flipping as many tables as he does quadrants. Contains two ocean-going fight scenes, one lusus, distressing incidences of clown cultism, his lawyer, and absolutely no interactions with the quinity whatsoever.

Karkat Vantas always accepted the fact that he was not going to live past nine sweeps. It was just a certainty of his sad, miserable life. At least, that was until his friends found out and decided to hatch a plan to get him out of the Alternian empire. A plan that actually worked. Now, he was stranded on an alien planet, at the mercy of some strange creature that was either trying to help him or going about some freaky ritual of flirting with your food before you eat it. Also, aliens have sunglasses. He was better off dying on Alternia, wasn't he? [Discontinued]

Karkat Vantas is a 6 sweeps old troll with a secret so big it could shake the very foundations of the Alternian Empire. But now the purrbeast is out of the bag, and the heretics who follow the teachings of his Ancestor rush to send their Messiah to the safety of a planet so distant, it knows nothing of Alternia. Meanwhile, Karkat hates his life and these stupid old squatters and his ancestor and pretty much everything there ever was in the world of forever. Platonically.

An Alternate Universe is a fictional device wherein characters are taken from their 'canon' setting and placed into a different one, such as, say... a magical university. Or: In which Karkat Vantas finally gets to leave his miserable life behind to attend the prestigious Salem University for magical studies. Finally he can make friends, learn things, hopefully work out just what species he is. And Karkat Vantas being who he is there might be a romance or two on the cards.

This is a story about love. This is a story about betrayal. Of heterosexuality, Heee Haw, and growing up. This is a story about prom. (IMAGES BROKEN! You can read promstuck in its entirety on promstuck.tumblr.com)

They managed to win the game somehow. He's not really sure of the details, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. He's stuck in an unfamiliar body with a thirteen year old little brother who's terrified of him. Somehow, he is sure this is his fault.

ARCHIVED UNTIL I REWRITE AND REPOST 1)JohnDave; Top!John2)Destiel; Morning Blowjobs3)Sterek; Rimming4)Sabriel; Riding/Topping from the bottom5)DirkJake; Vibrators6)Wincest-Dean/Sam; Butt Plugs7)JohnDave; Spanking and Bondage8)Thorki; Jealous sex9)Stackson; Daddy Kink10)Destiel; Daddy Kink again11)Stucky; Bottom!Steve12)Stackson; SluttyBottom!Jackson13)DirkJake; Hair Pulling14)Scisaac; Daddy Kink the third15)DirkJake; Crossdressing16)DirkJake; Teacher/Student17))SuperBat; Hate Sex18)Merthur; After Near Death Experience-IN PROGRESS19)Sabriel; Wing kink-IN PROGRESS

John introduces his best human friend to his best troll friend. Maybe the three of them sit down to watch romcoms, maybe they're just hanging around a lab in the veil, but whatever the circumstance, Dave has trouble paying attention to the conversation at hand. Karkat is good looking and distracting and it's just not fair. Naturally, he begins distracting Karkat while John's talking. Little touches, lip licks, etc. Karkat gets flustered, Dave is thrilled, John is oblivious. It turns into a competition to see who can flirt the most without alerting John to their UST-fueled game. --- Originally for the kink meme.